


The Journal

by needtoknow400



Category: NCIS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 10:49:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13634763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needtoknow400/pseuds/needtoknow400
Summary: : A late night at work, Gibbs finds a journal, Tony's journal. What is Tony writing about?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on ff.net on 8/9/2011

The bullpen was empty and the emptiness is exactly what he wanted. It was eleven thirty on a Friday night, no one would be in and he would be able to concentrate on work for a while. Sitting down at his desk, Gibbs flipped open the file and started reading the reports from his team. Signing off on the first report, he flipped to the next. The process repeated through one file to the next and on and on and on. After seven or eight files, Gibbs let out a sigh and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his hands down his face. Glancing over, Gibbs caught something out of the corner of his eye, sticking out from under Tony's desk. Leaning across his desk, Gibbs narrowed his eyes and tried to decipher what it was. He still wasn't sure.

Making his way over to the front of Tony's desk, Gibbs crouched down and slid the item from under the desk. Standing up, Gibbs stared at the item and turned it over in his hand. Leather bound journal with a leather tie, undone. Flipping the journal open randomly, Gibbs read a handwritten passage.

_I felt him before I saw him, like I always do. His presence always powerful, always overwhelming. I feel my breath catch in my throat as his icy blue eyes meet mine. His eyes, they say everything and nothing depending on his mood. Today they say he is, tired and overworked, the weeklong case starting to take its toll on him. I want to be sympathetic, tell him I understand, but that's not what he wants or needs. Instead, I ramble off the information we have so far, nothing new, which rewards me with a glare. Now his eyes are annoyed and slightly angry. He runs his hand through his silver hair, the Marine cut keeping it short and neat._

Stopping, Gibbs closed the journal and stared at the cover for a moment. Again, he randomly opened the journal and read a passage.

_I can't stop having that dream of him. It's always the same and always erotic. He's sitting at his desk, his blue eyes staring at me, beckoning me, commanding me to come to him. I don't resist, and as he turns his chair I fall to my knees before him. His hand caresses my cheek briefly then drifts away. Then he leans back, still commanding me with those haunting blue eyes. I unzip his pants and take out his already hard cock, it’s lengthy, full of girth and I want nothing more than to devour every inch. I lick the head, tasting his essence already there. He moans and runs his fingers through my hair urging me on. My lips surround the head of his cock then I slowly slide down his cock until it's completely down my throat. He growls my name as he thrusts up into my throat. All I want to do is make him come._

Slamming the journal closed, Gibbs rubbed his forehead. It can't be about me? There are probably tons of men here with blue eyes, silver hair and a Marine like haircut. He looked down at the journal again. Who the hell did this belong to? Tony? It was under his desk, but someone else could have dropped it? Ziva, McGee, hell someone other than his team. He sighed. Unlikely, few people other than his team walked through this area of the bullpen. Gibbs reputation preceded him and few people wanted to cross his path. There was the cleaning staff, the mail, visitors.

Returning to his desk, Gibbs opened the journal again then opened a file flipping to a report written by Ziva. He compared the handwriting. She always wrote in an odd combination of print and cursive, very stylized and beautiful as if she were painstakingly making each letter. He always thought her unique handwriting had come from her years of writing in Hebrew or Arabic. The writing in the journal, was printed, but looked nothing like hers. No elongated y's and j's, and no mixture of print and cursive. Moving on, Gibbs turned to a report written by McGee. As with everything McGee did, his writing style was like a computer. Bold print, large and easily readable. Still it wasn't a match, McGee wrote in large letters each and every one looked exactly the same. In the journal, the writing was less precise, and took more concentration to read.

Finally, Gibbs turned to a report from Tony. He took a deep breath. When he had first saw the writing in the journal it had immediately reminded him of Tony's handwriting. But looking at the report and journal side by side, there were differences. Tony was all chicken scratches and impatient annoyance, barely readable, by anyone. Gibbs could read it, simple because he'd had years to learn how to decipher it. Still, some letters looked similar. The journal seemed to be what Tony's handwriting would be if he took his time and cared about what he was writing.

Leaning back in his chair, Gibbs sighed. Could the journal really be Tony's? And could Tony be writing about him? Gibbs shook his head. It couldn't be Tony's! They were friends, nothing more. Tony would never have sexual fantasies about him. Tony was all about the women, all about the chase. Gibbs chuckled, the way he teased McGee about being gay, the intense sexual tension he had with Ziva, Tony wouldn't want to be with a man, especially him. He ran his hands down his face. It could be Abby, Palmer or Ducky, they all spent time in the bullpen. Running through the last week, Gibbs tried to remember if any of them had been in the bullpen. Abby had on Monday or Tuesday, but it couldn't be hers. Again, he knew her handwriting and it was not remotely like what was in the journal. Plus if she had lost something like this early in the week she would have already been up here going crazy looking for it.

Staring at the notebook he tried to decide what to do. He couldn't put it back and take the risk of the cleaning crew or someone else finding it, especially if it was about him. Maybe he should slip it in one of Tony's desk drawers. Gibbs groaned. God no because if it wasn't Tony's he would read it and he'd draw the same conclusion Gibbs had.

Grabbing the journal and his coat, Gibbs covered the journal in his hand with the coat and headed towards the elevator.

**#############**

Standing in front of the boat, Gibbs worked the drill into the wood. He had come home, changed into jeans and a t-shirt and immediately came to the boat. It was the one thing that normally cleared his mind, but it wasn't helping. It was already five in the morning and he couldn't focus, couldn't sleep, and kept glancing over to the journal that was sitting on the work bench. Frustrated, he gave up, tossing the drill down he walked over and grabbed the journal. He sat down on one of the sawhorses and stared at it. This was private, someone's deepest thoughts, he shouldn't be reading this. But the belief that it was Tony's and that his Senior Field Agent, his friend was writing about him, caused his curiosity to win out over respecting Tony's privacy.

He opened the journal to the front page. It was simply a blank white page, flipping to the next page, the writing began.

_February 21, 2009_

_I can't take it anymore. I need an outlet, something, somewhere, to express my feelings. I can't tell my friends, so many of them our friends, they won't understand. And even if they did, I can't risk him finding out. He can never find out how I feel. I know he doesn't feel the same, can't feel the same, it's just not who he is. Plus I can't lose our friendship, can't lose the one person who is always there for me. I won't risk that!_

_This is easier, safer; here I can say what I feel without risk, without judgment, and without loss. Here I can say what I need to say, feel what I need to feel, and maybe even believe, just for a moment, that he could care for me as more than a friend._

The first entry ended and the next was dated weeks later.

_March 7, 2009_

_It's been weeks, I know, but work has been crazy. Hard cases and long hours. And too much time spent in his presence. He is overworked, tense and grumpy. The cases have been wearing on him. No one else sees it, he's an expert at hiding his feelings, but I see it. I have learned to read him better than most, although he is still so much a mystery. But I see the slight weariness around those cool blue eyes. I see the added tension in his shoulders when he walks. I see the heaviness in the way he sits down in the chair at his desk. All are minute changes in him, unnoticed by the untrained eye. But I see it._

_I wish he would let me help in some way. I wish he would talk to me, trust me enough to understand and offer support. It doesn't happen. I wonder if there is someone, anyone he talks to. Someone outside of work, someone I know nothing about. I'm sure he has friends I'm unaware of, friends he's had for years, long before we ever met. I hope he has someone, some individual he feels comfortable enough with that they offer him solace when he needs it._

_Part of me finds it hard to believe he would open up to anyone. He is solitary, by choice or design; I'm still not quite sure. He has had so much heartache and pain in his life that opening up must be hard. I wish he would let me in, even in some small way._

The entry ended and Gibbs rubbed his forehead. Tony really was the one person that could read him. The younger man had gotten closer to him than any agent before him. He trusted Tony with his life, and they were friends, but Gibbs really wasn't the type to just open up about his life or the things that bothered him. Solitary by design or choice? He wasn't even sure himself.

The ringing of his phone brought him out of his thoughts and he picked it up looking at the caller id.

"Yeah Gibbs.

"Agent Gibbs, Agent Ramson." The other man paused. "Agent DiNozzo showed up about fifteen minutes ago."

"And?" Gibbs asked.

"He's definitely looking for something." Another pause. "Tearing his desk apart and looking all over the bullpen."

Gibbs sighed. "Thanks Ramson."

"No problem. Hey-"

Gibbs waited.

"He's leaving."

"Got it thanks again."

"Anytime."

Closing the phone, Gibbs sighed. The journal was Tony's. What else would he be searching for at work on a Saturday morning? He couldn't think about this anymore right now. With his phone and the journal he headed up the stairs hoping to get some sleep.

**############**

The room was silent, completely still, almost pitch black, except for the few rays of light that seeped in from around the bedroom shades. For the first time in a long time, the silence wasn't comforting, instead it was bothering him, reminding him of the emptiness of the house. Sitting up in bed, Gibbs dropped his head back against the head board and took a deep breath. He glanced over at the journal on the bedside table. Now that he knew it was Tony's, he really shouldn't read it. Tony was his Senior Agent, his friend, and he shouldn't invade his privacy. The few entries he had already read had been deeply personal. And the first entry had made it clear Tony didn't want him to know about any of this.

Gibbs ran his hands through his hair, but now he did know and in some way that already changed everything. Now he had all these questions in his head that he wanted answers to, answers that the journal might give him. He picked up the journal and opened it a few pages past where he had been reading in the basement.

_April 9, 2009_

_All day he was in my personal space, everywhere we went, and it drove me insane. First he was behind me, his body so close I could feel the warmth against my back and butt. His breath so close to my ear and neck it made me shiver and I prayed he didn't notice, but he notices everything. Thankfully, there was a cool breeze and I use it as a cover for my arousal, rubbing my arms as if cold, when in reality my whole body is on fire. The next time he is in front of me, toe to toe and nose to nose, he's shouting about the lack of information we have. I tried to concentrate on his anger, but all I can focus on is his warm breath against my face and his natural scent that fills the air around me. I take a deep breath, taking the scent deep within me wanting it to stay with me forever, but as he steps away I can feel it already begin to disappear. A sadness washes over me and I can't hide it. He glances at me, believing I'm hurt by his harshness, and I let him believe that._

_Hours later, he is to close again. This time leaning down by me at my desk. His arm is on the back of my chair and I lean back to feel the arm touch my back. I close my eyes momentarily, knowing he isn't looking at my face but the computer screen. I open them quickly as he asks a question, I somehow answer, even though I don't remember actually hearing the question. Again, I feel his breath against the side of my face. To quickly the moment ends and he is gone before I can even react or respond._

_April 14, 2009_

_I've never been happier for a week to end. The dreams have started again and I can hardly look at him. He's notice, asked if something is wrong, and I blame it on lack of sleep. Lack of sleep that I imply is caused by someone I'm seeing. It's a half truth. I haven't been getting enough sleep, but the cause of it is the dreams, dreams of him. Sexy, hot, lust induced dreams of him throwing me on the bed and fucking me. And I beg for it. Beg him to fuck me, harder, faster and to never stop. He does just that, over and over again, stopping only long enough for his cock to get hard again, which seems to happen in mere moments. It's because he wants me so much, that's what he tells me as he starts to fuck me again. I come without him ever touching me, that's how much I want him._

_That dream is the reason I'm so glad the work week is over. At least over the weekend I won't have to see him or explain. Instead, when the dream happens I can simply wake up masturbate and fall asleep again, then wake up and do it all over._

As the entry ended, Gibbs stopped. He pushed the sheet off of him, his body suddenly flushed and warm. He tried to remember back to that time, that moment when he asked Tony what was wrong but that had happened countless times. Shaking his head, Gibbs started reading the next entry praying it wasn't about the dream.

_April 15, 2009_

_I woke up this morning, my cock hard, my body moist with sweat. The dream again. It's been over a week now and the dream refuses to stop, instead it's even more intense. I can feel his hands touching my body, his breath on my shoulder, his lips on my neck, the gentle nip of his teeth, his cock pressing against me. Again, I beg him not just to fuck me but to do whatever he wants to me. I want nothing but him, his body, his mind, his hands, his lips, his cock, everything he can give to me. We make love for hours in every position and in every room available. Then thinking we're done, he takes me to the shower and takes me there. My hands against the cool tile, the warm water quickly turning cold. This time he's touching me and I come, over and over again, as does he. When we finally leave the shower, we collapse on the bed totally spent._

_As amazing as the dream is, I wake up wishing I could have the real thing. I masturbate with no thought but him. It's still empty, when all I want is him here next to me._

Gibbs took a deep breath, then looked down at his lap, unaware his hand had come to rest over his hardening cock. _Don't do this_. He told himself.  _If you give in now, you won't want to go back_.

**##########**

Taking the cup of coffee, he walked back into the living room. He'd finally gotten a few hours of sleep, but the desire to keep reading the journal was the only thought in his mind. Sitting down on the couch, Gibbs grabbed the journal and again skipped a few pages, hoping to move past the erotic dreams.

_May 21, 2009_

_Why do I put myself through it? Spending time with him, outside of work, it just makes everything harder. He's different when we're alone, more relaxed, even a little more open, not much but a little. It makes me believe in some way, I'm important, special to him. Today he was shirtless when I got there. Standing by the steps, t-shirt in hand and I was completely unprepared. He's so sexy and hot fully clothed; I can only imagine how amazing he is naked. I try not to stare at his chest, but keep my gaze locked on his eyes. It's only when he turns to walk into the other room that I allow my eyes to skim over his back, watching the muscles of his shoulders flex and tighten as he pulls the t-shirt over his head. He's sexy, beautiful, manly and I want nothing more than to be with him in every way._

_When he turned back around, I actually opened my mouth to speak. I wanted to tell him exactly what I was feeling. Instead, I blurt out some stupid statement that has nothing to do with anything. He gives me an odd look then just shakes his head, sloughing it off as part of my normal manic self. After that we fall into our normal friendship and I realize again that I can't risk it._

_May 29, 2009_

_I stood looking out the window and he was sitting at his desk. I was trying to think about the case, but all I could think about wanting him to walk up behind me and wrap his arms around me. I think about that every time I know he's behind me. It's not even sexual; it’s wanting the comfort of his arms, wanting him close to me. Sometimes I know, I make it seem like it's all about sex with him, but it's not. It's so much more than that._

_He knows who he is, he's completely comfortable with himself, and no one can question that. Because of that he doesn't care what anyone thinks of him and he never does anything to impress someone. Plus he's comfortable in the silence, something I can't be, unless I'm in the silence with him._

Closing the journal, Gibbs tried to let it all sink in, it just seemed too unreal.

"Gibbs?"

The familiar voice from the front door, abruptly brought Gibbs from his thoughts. Clutching the journal Gibbs quickly stuffed it under the couch cushion.

"Hey bad time?" Tony asked walking into the living room.

"No." Gibbs sighed as he stood up. "What is it?"

"I just-" Tony shook his head. "Bad day."

Gibbs stared at Tony for a minute then chuckled. "Beer?"

"God yes." Tony sighed.

"Sit." Gibbs nodded towards the couch then went into the kitchen and grabbed a couple beers.

"Thanks." Tony smiled from the couch as Gibbs handed him the beer.

Taking a seat at the other end of the couch, Gibbs took a swig from his bottle. "Okay."

Tony smirked, that was Gibbs way of saying he was ready to listen.

"Just feeling old."

Gibbs glanced over at Tony and chuckled.

"Okay maybe not old but tired." Tony ran his hands over his face.

Gibbs nodded.

"How do you do it?" Tony looked over at Gibbs.

"What?"

"Just be." Tony shrugged. "In the silence all around you."

Gibbs swallowed hard recalling the journal entry. "I just do it."

"Power's out at my apartment." Tony sighed. "I sat there for twenty minutes, no noise. No TV, no radio, no humming of the fan, I finally had to leave. I couldn't take it anymore."

Another nod.

"And I walk in here and you’re sitting here in the silence I just ran away from."

"It's just silence."

Tony dropped his head back on the couch. "I can't take it, at least not alone."

Leaning his head back like Tony, Gibbs sighed. "Most people don't like lonely silence."

Surprise by the statement, Tony turned his head to the side and looked at Gibbs. "Do you?"

"No." Gibbs shocked himself with the admission.

Sitting up, Tony pulled a leg up onto the couch and faced Gibbs. "Then why do you do it."

Gibbs sighed with a laugh. "I don't know."

Tony stared at Gibbs, taken back by his honesty. "Who are you and what have you done with the real Leroy Jethro Gibbs?"

Turning to look at Tony, Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious." Tony grinned and his eyebrow went up. "Are you drunk?"

"Hardly."

"Did you inhale too many chemical down in the basement?"

"I'm fine." Gibbs rolled his eyes again.

"Let me see the back of your neck." Tony leaned over towards Gibbs.

"What!"

"I want to see if you have a red x on your neck." Tony grinned. "Invasion of the Body Snatchers."

Gibbs' gaze stayed on Tony for a moment then he leaned forward exposing the back of his neck to Tony.

"Satisfied?"

"Yeah." Tony nodded his voice slightly shaky.

Drawing back, Gibbs' eyes met Tony's again.

"You hungry?" Gibbs asked.

Tony nodded.

"Pizza or Chinese?"

"Chinese." Tony smiled.

**###########**

"You did that?" Gibbs actually looked surprised.

"How else was I supposed to get out?"

Gibbs smirked. "Leave naked, seems more your style."

Tony grinned. "Sometimes."

Gibbs shook his head.

"You've never had to get out of a woman's house in a hurry?"

"Yeah." Gibbs nodded. "But I always make sure I know where my clothes are."

Tony laughed and pointed. "See that's what I always forget."

Gibbs chuckled.

"I have to start remembering that." Tony said before shoving another forkful of food in his mouth.

"Where else have you been sneaking out of without your clothes?" Gibbs asked picking at his food.

Tony's eyebrow went up. "Um, someplace specific you wanna ask about?"

"An ex-boyfriend’s houses you had to hurry out of?" Gibbs glanced over at Tony.

Tony coughed trying to clear his throat as he almost choked. "Ex-boyfriends?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Um, wow. I mean-" Tony stammered. "I'm um not sure how to answer that."

"Honestly."

"Yeah." Tony took a deep breath. "No, ex-boyfriends, but I, um have had a few experiences."

"Experiences?" Gibbs smirked. "I see."

Tony wanted to ask about Gibbs line of questioning but something stopped him. Fear, concern, shock...no it was fear.

Gibbs glanced at his watch. "Saturday, almost eleven o'clock. Shouldn't you be on a date?"

Tony chuckled. "I see, change the subject before I start wanting to ask my own questions."

"No." Gibbs shook his head. "Just making an observation."

"Part of that bad day I was talking about."

"Date canceled?" Gibbs asked.

"Last night." Tony shrugged. "Happens."

"And you couldn't come up with another date?" Gibbs looked shocked.

"I did."

Gibbs eyebrow went up.

"She canceled this afternoon, sick." Tony smirked.

"Stuffs by the couch." Gibbs said standing up.

"You're way of saying you're welcome to stay DiNozzo." Tony grinned.

"Yeah." Gibbs nodded.

"Okay, then I'm gonna hit the head and curl up on the couch."

"Have at it."

Waiting until Tony disappeared; Gibbs grabbed the journal from under the couch cushion and headed upstairs.

**###########**

He listened to the movement down stairs, waiting until Tony settled onto the couch to sleep before opening the journal again. This time he randomly opened the pages and read the entry before him.

_January 3, 2010_

_I wonder sometimes what it would be like, if he knew how I felt. Numerous scenarios play across my mind. The first and always the worst, is the one where he can't accept it. He tries, but he can't get past it, can't understand how I can feel that way. He won't believe that I would never let it affect my job. It hasn't affected my job all these years why would that change just because he knows. But because he can't accept that, it's a transfer or worse yet, fired._

_The second scenario is better, a little. He understands how I feel, accepts it even, but he doesn't feel anything for me but friendship. My job stays my job, but our friendship is never the same. He's even more distant, if that's even possible, and he's somehow uncomfortable when we're alone._

_The final scenario, the one I pray for, is where he wants more. He wants me as much as I want him. It's us, passionate, raw and everything I ever wanted. Of course I know nothing is that easy, especially when it comes to him. If it turned out he did feel something for me, we'd probably dance around the issue for months. Me to scared to make the first move, and him not wanting to make the first move. Or maybe he'd surprise me._

Next entry

_January 7, 2010_

_She was there today. I don't know how long they've been seeing each other, or how serious it is, I only know I can't stand to see her around him. The way she smiles at him coyly, grins playfully, and stands within his personal space. She does it to stake her claim, to show that in some way he is hers. And of course, he lets her. Although part of him dislikes the familiarity she exudes towards him, another part of him relishes it, enjoys it. Because he knows the thought and reason behind it._

_And so do I. My stomach clenches, my heart rate rises as my blood courses angrily through my veins. Jealousy is an ugly thing, especially when I have no right to be. With the jealousy is the hatred I have towards her, for no other reason than she is with him. He isn't mine in anyway…accept for the fact that I love him._

Gibbs dropped the journal into his lap then ran his hands down his face. Love? That was the first time he'd read the word in the journal. Tony was in love with him. That one word changes everything. This wasn't about sex, or a casual relationship, when loves involved there's no settling for less.

**##########**

Gibbs rolled over and took a deep breath, the smell of coffee filling his senses and making him smile. He opened his eyes and glanced over at the clock, seven thirty, late for him. Climbing out of bed, he slipped on a pair of sweats and grabbed a t-shirt. He was just about to slip it on when he stopped and tossed it over his shoulder, then headed down stairs.

Reaching the kitchen, he smirked and leaned against the wall.

"Domesticated."

Tony turned around and smiled. "Morning."

"Morning."

Gibbs watched as Tony's eyes momentarily drifted down his bare chest then quickly jerked back up to his eyes. It took all of Gibbs control not to grin.

"Um, pancakes."

"Okay." Gibbs nodded as he made his way over and poured a cup of coffee. He took a sip, then sat the cup down and pulled the t-shirt on over his head.

"It's ready." Tony stammered.

Gibbs grabbed a pancake from the plate next to the stove and took a bite. "Good."

Tony started laughing. "There's syrup and plates."

Gibbs stared at Tony.

"Plate, pancake, syrup on top." Tony grinned. When Gibbs just stood there, Tony shook his head. He grabbed another plate, put three pancakes on the plate and poured syrup on them, then handed the plate to Gibbs. "Can you feed yourself or do I need to cut them up and feed it to you too?"

Gibbs gave Tony a look as if he were contemplating the question.

"Seriously? You're considering it?"

Gibbs smirked then took the plate and headed towards the table.

A few minutes later, Tony carried a plate to the table and sat across from Gibbs.

"Nice way to wake up." Gibbs said as he put another forkful of pancake in his mouth.

"Glad you approve." Tony smiled.

"Coffee, pancakes, what more could I want?"

Tony felt the icy blue eyes staring at him and his body actual shivered. What the hell was up with Gibbs?

"I'll get this cleaned up." Tony stood up quickly grabbed Gibbs empty plate and his own.

"You staying?" Gibbs asked.

Tony dropped the dishes in the sink and started the water. "I, um, need to head out soon. Check to see if the power is back on at my place."

"Okay." Gibbs said suddenly beside Tony refilling his coffee mug. He took a sip. "If it's not your always welcome."

Dropping the plate back into the water, Tony leaned back against the sink and folded his arms across his chest.

"What?" Gibbs asked seeing Tony's odd expression.

"What is the question." Tony shook his head. "What's going on with you? You're pleasant, amusing, talkative, suddenly treating me like...I don't even know. And it's completely freakin' me out."

"This isn't work." Gibbs sat down his coffee cup. "I was treating you like a friend."

Tony's head drew back with shock.

Gibbs chuckled. "Is it that shocking?"

"No. I mean I know we're friends, it's just-" Tony paused. "It's always been a work friendship, even when I'm here. This is different."

"Yeah." Gibbs nodded.

Tony stared at Gibbs. "Why the sudden change?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Friendships change, evolve."

"And our friendship is evolving?"

"Yeah. It is." Gibbs smiled.

"Wow." Tony chuckled. "So this is your friendship persona?"

"Persona?" Gibbs shook his head. "It's just how I am, with friends."

"Intriguing." Tony smiled. "And nice, different, but I like it."

Gibbs picked up his coffee mug and took a drink.

"So going to start letting me call you Jethro?" Tony grinned.

"Maybe." Gibbs smirked

"Really?" Again Tony looked shocked.

"Why is that important to you?" Gibbs asked.

"It makes things personal, not professional." Tony answered.

"And you want things more personal between us?"

Tony glanced at the floor then nodded.

"Jethro it is then." Gibbs said before taking another sip of coffee.

"That's it?" Tony chuckled. "That's all it takes."

"Yeah." Gibbs took a step towards Tony. "Just remember, work is still work."

"And you're still the boss." Tony smiled.

Gibbs shrugged. "At work I am, not here."

Tony couldn't help it he bit his lower lip as an inappropriate thought ran through his mind. "Right."

"Leave the dishes." Gibbs paused. "You should go, check your apartment."

Tony nodded not really wanting to leave, but knowing he needed to.

**##########**

Sitting on the couch, Gibbs again stared at the journal lying on the coffee table; he needed to stop reading it. This was already getting out of hand. Running his hands down his face, he let out a long breath. The thing was...he wanted it to get out of hand. Wanted Tony in his arms, wanted their lips lost in a deep embrace, wanted Tony naked in his bed, wanted to make love to Tony all night long.

Gibbs sighed as he rubbed his forehead. The truth was he'd wanted Tony for years. He'd just never acted on it for countless reasons...Rule twelve always at the forefront of his mind, but Tony himself being the main reason. Gibbs always figured Tony had dabbled with men, but he never thought Tony would want a relationship with a man or could be in love with a man. But reading the journal had told Gibbs just the opposite. Tony wanted a relationship and was in love, with him.

Yesterday, today, all of it was more than their friendship evolving; it was Gibbs testing the waters. He wanted them to get closer but he also wanted to push the envelope just slightly. Wanted to see if Tony would give anything away or push back. But there was nothing.

He opened the journal, this time to earlier this year.

_June 13, 2011_

_He's angry with me, but takes it out on other people, why I'm not sure. He's never had a problem yelling at me before. But then I start to understand. We are not the ones fighting. We are merely not talk, because if he has to talk he would have to explain, and he doesn't like to explain, especially to me. Still, I know what the problem is. I've broken a Commandment and I'm being punished for it. I try to explain but he doesn't hear, doesn't want to, only sees that I have betrayed him._

_Actually, I've betrayed us both. I was tired. Tired of him being completely unaware of how I feel, tired of him not letting me in, even as a friend, and tired of loving him knowing it's futile. That is why I did it. I wanted his anger, his silence, I wanted a fight. At least with a fight I get something from him, I can actually feel like he cares. I know it's ridiculous, childish, but it's easier than being honest._

_June 15, 2011_

_We're talking again, but it is still strained, still awkward. He still feels the betrayal even though in some way he's forgiven me. Maybe he cares more than I think, because I never expected this to hurt him so much. Yet he is hurt. I can read it on his face, in his eyes, see it in the way he carries himself. But most of all I can tell by the way he forces himself to look at me. It's as if he never believed I could do something like this to him. That look breaks my heart, shatters it into a million pieces. I've went too far this time and I regret it every day. I want to take it all back, but that's impossible, so all I can do is repair what I've broken._

Gibbs knew all too well what Tony was talking about and he had felt betrayed, in so many ways. But he had always believed the motivation behind it was Tony thinking with the wrong head. He skipped a couple pages ahead.

_July 21, 2011_

_I shouldn't have stayed at his place; it gets worse every time I do. Knowing he's so close, but not being able to be with him. I end up lying there awake thinking about how much I want to go to him. Which leads me to fantasizing. It's the middle of the night and I strip down then make my way to his bedroom. He's asleep on his back, the blanket draped over his midsection, his bare chest and legs exposed. I climb onto the end of the bed between his legs, gently brushing the blanket aside. He's naked and I lick my lips when I see his cock. I let my fingers brush over his flaccid cock and he stirs slightly. I stop momentarily, but then repeat the action. His cock begins to harden and I fight the urge to moan. He's long and thick, even more than I imagined and it makes me want him even more. Seeing him like this I can't control myself any longer. I lick at the head of his cock, tasting him and wanting more. He moans. I look up at him, his eyes are still closed. Wrapping my lips around the head of his cock, I slowly move down over his shaft and he groans. I love the way he tastes and start to bob up and down over his cock._

_He moans again and thrusts his hips up pushing his cock further down my throat. Then I felt him jump and know he's awake. I slide up his cock and look up at him before sliding back down, taking all of him in._

" _What are you-" He groans as I continued to deep throat him. "Fuck."_

_I won't stop; I want to make him come. I feel his hand on my head and realize he doesn't want me to stop._

" _Suck my cock." He growls again thrusting into my mouth._

_I do exactly what he wants, letting my other hand massage his balls._

" _That's it." He says staring down at me. "I love the way you suck my cock."_

_I moan around him._

" _God, I should have made you do this years ago."_

_I wish he would have too._

" _Close, so close."_

_I want to taste it, want him to come so I can drink every last drop. After just a few more passes, I get my wish as he cries out my name and comes._

_He melts into the bed as I continue to suck and lick his cock._

Gibbs groaned as he stroked his cock, he was close, so close. Reading the fantasy having made him pull out his cock and start stroking it. He closed his eyes and pictured Tony's mouth wrapped around him.

"Oh God." Gibbs moaned as he felt the release, the world fading away as he came screaming Tony's name.


	2. The Journal Ch2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A late night at work, Gibbs finds a journal, Tony's journal. What is Tony writing about?

Flopping down on the couch, Tony stared up at the ceiling. He was still trying to understand everything that had happened. Gibbs questions about the ex-boyfriend, the change in their relationship, it was all just weird. Tony had always wanted a more personal relationship with Gibbs, a very personal relationship. But what had suddenly brought this on?

"Oh God." Tony groaned. Had he somehow given away how he felt? He tried to think of anything he had done last week that might have given Gibbs a hint of his true feelings. Nothing came to mind, they really hadn't been alone much and the interactions they had were all case related. Tony shot upright. Was Gibbs interested? Is that what this new evolving friendship was all about? It couldn't be.  _You're reading too much into this._  He told himself. Tony's eye narrowed, Gibbs walking around shirtless this morning...

Tony smirked. "He was baiting me. Wanted to see if I would react."

The smirked faded from his lips and he sighed.  _And what if you're wrong?_

**##########**

Taking a sip of the coffee, Gibbs leaned back against the counter. After a shower and now the second cup of coffee he was finally forgetting about the journal, Tony, and what had happened earlier. Now he just wanted to finish up a project and forget about all of it. Making his way through the living room, he stopped when the front door opened, and the man walked in.

So much for forgetting.

"Power out again?" Gibbs asked.

"Never came back on." Tony smiled.

Gibbs stared at Tony a moment. "You don't need an excuse to come here." He took another swig of his coffee.

"That obvious?" Tony grinned.

Gibbs nodded.

"Okay then how about I was bored and lonely."

Gibbs sighed. "There's coffee and beer."

"Thanks." Tony smirked. "Jethro."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

Tony headed towards the kitchen, reappearing a few seconds later with a cup of coffee.

"Going to work on the boat?"

"No." Gibbs shook his head.

"Going out?"

"No."

"Expecting someone?" Tony chuckled. "Am I close at all?"

"Have another project." Gibbs' eyes glanced down Tony's body. "You bring any other clothes?"

Tony shook his head.

"I have some." Gibbs sighed. "If you wanna help."

"Are you going to tell me what it is?"

"Do you wanna help or not?" Gibbs sighed.

"I know I'm going to regret this but um" Tony chuckled. "Sure."

"I'll grab you some clothes."

**##########**

Leaning against the front door, Gibbs waited for Tony to come back down after changing. He was actually about ready to yell up to the younger man when Tony finally came down the steps.

"Better?" Tony asked.

Gibbs nodded. Why is it sexy seeing another man in your clothes? Tony was wearing an old torn up pair of his blue jeans and a gray Marine t-shirt.

"Something wrong?" Tony looked down at the clothes he was wearing. "I know the jeans are a little tight but the shirts fine."

"No, it's fine." Gibbs cleared his throat. Tony was right; the jeans were snug, snug in all the right areas.

"So what are we doing?"

Several things he'd like to do with Tony ran through Gibbs' mind, but luckily none of them crossed his lips.

"Follow me." Gibbs said heading through the living room, then kitchen and out the back door.

**##########**

"Okay we are in the garage." Tony grinned.

"Genius." Gibbs rolled his eyes. "The car, oil change."

"Okay."

"Have you ever changed the oil in a car?" Gibbs asked pretty sure he already knew the answer.

"Hey I'm a car guy!"

Gibbs stared at Tony waiting for an answer.

"Well, never actually changed the oil." Tony paused. "I've seen it done."

Gibbs chuckled.

"They have professionals to do this sort of thing." Tony sighed.

"At five times what you can do it for yourself." Gibbs shook his head.

"So we're going to do this?"

"Yeah." Gibbs nodded.

**##########**

"Hand me the socket wrench." Gibbs held out his hand and felt the weight of the tool in his hand.

"You realize the last time I was under a car it almost blew me up."

Gibbs chuckled as he glanced over at Tony.

They were both lying on dollies under the car staring up at the car's engine, Tony laying a little closer than he should be to the oil drain plug, even after Gibbs warning.

After loosening the oil drain plug, Gibbs unscrewed it the rest of the way, oil spilling out quickly. As it poured down into the catch pan, several large splashes spilled out hitting Tony in the face.

"OHHH GOD!" Tony groaned as he slid the dollie out from under the car and stood up.

Gibbs slid out after him laughing without remorse as he stood up and grabbed a clean rag.

Tony glared at Gibbs.

"I warned you." Gibbs continued to laugh as he handed the rag to Tony.

Wiping at his face, Tony narrowed his eyes. "You knew that was going to happen?"

Gibbs nodded and smirked. "I told you to stay back."

"It's in my hair." Tony groaned as he ran his fingers through his hair where the oil was.

"Here." Gibbs grabbed Tony's forearm and drew him closer. "Give me the rag."

Handing the rag to Gibbs, Tony felt his heart race.

"Look up." Gibbs chuckled as Tony obeyed and he wiped the oil off Tony's neck. "Look at me."

Looking back down, Tony's eyes settled on Gibbs as the older man rubbed the oil from his face.

"That's as good as it's going to get." Gibbs smirked his gaze locking on Tony's. It was at that moment that he realized he had pulled Tony's body completely against his during the exchange. "A shower will take care of the rest."

Tony nodded.

"You look good covered in oil." Gibbs smiled, his eyes dancing across Tony's face. "Very nice."

"Hoping to turn me into a grease monkey." Tony grinned.

"Maybe."

"I um, thought sawdust turned you on." Tony sighed.

"Oil works too." Gibbs leaned in, his lips almost touching Tony's. "When it's on the right person."

Tony wasn't sure who made the final move to bring their lips together and he didn't care. All that mattered was that it happened. Gibbs' hand released Tony's arm and wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer as the kiss deepened. Tony's lips parted inviting Gibbs' tongue inside and Gibbs accepted. His tongue tasted the sweet minty flavor of Tony's mouth and demanded more. Tony gave it freely wrapping his arms around Gibbs' neck pulling him closer.

The kiss was slow to end, neither willing to completely let it go. Gibbs drew back and smirked. "Damn sexy."

"You're to clean" Tony grinned as he grabbed the rag and rubbed it over Gibbs' face leaving a long streak of oil on his nose.

"Better?" Gibbs chuckled.

"Yeah." Tony nodded.

"Can we finish now?"

A laugh broke from Tony's lips. "Just kiss me and back to work."

Gibbs smirked. "I'm sure I'll find another reason to kiss you, as we go along."

"Promise?" Tony whispered with longing.

"Yeah." Gibbs grinned.

**#########**

"That was actually fun." Tony said walking in the back door.

"Yes it was." Gibbs said grabbing Tony from behind and pulling him into his arms.

"Maybe I will become a grease monkey." Tony chuckled, stopping and falling back into Gibbs' embrace.

"No." Gibbs whispered in Tony's ear. "I don't want anyone else seeing you covered in oil."

"I could be your grease monkey."

"You know the truck could us an oil change." Gibbs' lips placed a kiss on Tony's neck.

Tony sighed tilting his head exposing more of his neck to Gibbs.

Gibbs kissed a path down Tony's neck, then back up pressing his lips to Tony's ear. "Go, upstairs and shower."

Turning in Gibbs arms, Tony smiled.

"Don't." Gibbs glared.

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're thinking it and-" Gibbs sighed. "That smile."

"Didn't realize it affected you." Tony smiled wider.

Gibbs spun Tony around and smacked his ass playfully. "Go."

"Fine." Tony groaned stomping out of the kitchen.

Gibbs dropped his head back

"Hey."

As Gibbs looked up, the t-shirt hit him in the face. He caught it as it started to fall, staring at Tony.

"Want your pants back too?" Tony asked unbuttoning the jeans and slowly sliding down the zipper.

Gibbs swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I should warn you though." Tony smirked as he walked backwards towards the steps, Gibbs advancing as Tony retreated. "I don't have anything on underneath."

Tony heard Gibbs sharp intake of breath as he dropped the t-shirt.

"Better save that for later." Tony grinned reaching the steps. "I don't think you're ready for that yet."

Gibbs opened his mouth to speak, but Tony was already halfway up the steps. He ran his hands down over his face. This was not going to be easy.

**##########**

Tony came down the steps and walked into the living room finding Gibbs showered and changed.

Gibbs seemed slightly taken aback by Tony being dressed in the clothes he arrived in.

"I laid out some sweats and a t-shirt for you." Gibbs said as if Tony hadn't seen them sitting on the bed.

"I know, I saw." Tony smiled.

Gibbs nodded realizing Tony wasn't staying.

Tony held out his hand to Gibbs. "Follow me."

Taking Tony's hand, Gibbs stood up letting Tony lead him to the front door.

Leaning back against it, Tony sighed. "It's not that I don't want to stay.

Another nod.

"Believe me I wanna stay." Tony almost groaned the words.

Gibbs smirked. "I get it."

"I just um, I couldn't  _just sleep_  with you." Tony smiled.

Gibbs’ eyebrow went up.

Tony chuckled. "I should never have said that."

"I understand."

Tony searched Gibbs’ eyes then chuckled again. "No you don't."

"No I really don't." Gibbs stepped closer, his body almost touching Tony's. His lips pressed to Tony's ear. "I want you."

"And I want you." Tony sighed letting his hand caress Gibbs' cheek. "God I want you."

"Then stay." Gibbs' hand slid from Tony's hip and around his waist. "Come upstairs with me."

"Wow." Tony shook his head. "I never thought I would be the one saying no."

"Then don't say it." Gibbs drew Tony closer. "Stay."

"I can't, not tonight." Tony took a deep breath. "I need some time."

Gibbs pulled back slightly, furrowing his brow.

"Jethro, I've wanted you a long time." Tony smiled. "But you kissing me today was a surprise, a good surprise, but a surprise."

"Doubting that I want you?"

"No." Tony shook his head. "It was just sudden, out of the blue, and I need to process it."

Gibbs felt his stomach clench, the guilt of having read Tony's journal suddenly hitting him.

"Are you okay?" Tony asked seeing the pained expression on Gibbs' face.

"Yeah." Gibbs nodded releasing Tony and taking a step back.

"Are you upset?"

"No." Gibbs chuckled. "Disappointed, but not upset."

"Good." Tony smiled, pushing up from the door. Turning the handle, Tony glanced back at Gibbs. "Night."

"Night." Gibbs sighed.

Tony only took a step, when he was grabbed and spun back into Gibbs' arms, their lips crashing against each other. Gibbs' kiss was deep and passionate, conveying the depth of emotion within him. When he pulled back, Tony took a deep breath, his eyes opening and staring at Gibbs.

"Night." Gibbs smiled letting go of Tony.

It took Tony a moment, but he finally stepped outside, pulling the door closed behind him, then falling back against it. Reaching up, he head slapped himself.

**###########**

Gibbs was in the lobby waiting on the elevator, as the doors opened he walked in, pausing a moment when he saw Tony standing there. A young woman from the front desk standing towards the back of the elevator behind Tony staring at his ass. Her eyes jumped up when she saw Gibbs step in.

"Excuse me." She said, brushing against Tony as she stepped out of the elevator.

As the elevator doors closed Gibbs took a sip of his coffee then smirked.

Tony glanced over catching the smirk play across Gibbs lips. "What's that for?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Nothing."

"You don't smirk for nothing." Tony folded his arms across his chest. "Smirking about Linda?"

"Linda, is that her name?" Gibbs nodded. "She was staring at your ass."

"She was?" Tony looked surprised.

"Didn't notice?"

"No." Tony shrugged. "Have other things on my mind."

"Right."

"Jealous?" Tony raised an eyebrow.

Gibbs chuckled. "No."

"I have a nice ass, people stare." Tony smiled.

"And modest." Gibbs smirked.

"So you disagree?" Tony asked.

The elevator stopped and opened on the bullpen, Gibbs stepped out then paused. "I don't disagree."

Tony grinned.

**##########**

Gibbs leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He should go home, it was already after seven and everyone else had left hours ago. Running his hands through his hair, Gibbs stared at the ceiling. He didn't want to go home, to an empty house. And he didn't even want to work on the boat.

"Jethro you're still here."

Sitting up, Gibbs sighed. "Yeah. You heading out Duck?"

"Yes and so should you." Ducky smiled.

Gibbs nodded.

"Something bothering you." Ducky stared at Gibbs.

"Yeah."

"You don't have a case, so must be personal."

"It is." Gibbs rubbed his forehead.

"Ah yes." Ducky grinned. "Relationship concerns maybe?"

"That obvious?"

"Only to an old friend like me." Ducky chuckled knowing how much Gibbs hated people to be able to read him.

"Ah Duck." Gibbs sighed. "This one's got me puzzled."

"Can't get a read on this one?" Ducky seemed shocked.

"Thought I did." Gibbs shook his head.

Ducky raised an eyebrow. "Resisted your natural charm?"

Gibbs chuckled. "Yeah but not why you think."

"Not because of lack of desire." Ducky grinned. "But something else?"

Gibbs nodded. "Just not sure what that something else is."

"Doubts, fears, concerns?" Ducky shrugged. "There could be countless reasons."

"I know." Gibbs paused. "But none of it fits. It's what we both want, have for a long time. There should be no hesitation."

"And for once the hesitation is not yours. Must be frustrating." Ducky chuckled.

"You have no idea." Gibbs blew out a long breath.

Ducky took a deep breath. "Sometimes when we think we know someone so well, it clouds our judgment. Especially, when two people are trying to build a physical relationship."

Gibbs’ eyes narrowed.

"You are expecting this person to behave a specific way because of what you know." Ducky paused. "And this person is feeling the same way."

Gibbs head dropped back. He was acting differently. Not only because of his own feelings for Tony, but in large part because of the information he had about Tony from the journal. He assumed Tony would just fall into his arms and into his bed based on everything he read.

"Jethro, we all have a side we only show to our lovers." Ducky grinned. "I'm sure you are no different."

Gibbs nodded.

"He never expected you to want him." Ducky smirked. "And if you suddenly do, that's going to be hard for him to accept."

Gibbs chuckled and shook his head.

"Really Jethro." Ducky smiled. "Anthony's feelings for you are not the best kept secret."

"So why didn't I know about it?"

"Because you my friend, felt just like Anthony, that he could never want you." Ducky paused. "And it's always hardest to see what's right in front of us."

Gibbs nodded.

"What did change your mind about him?"

"I found something." Gibbs sighed, still feeling guilty about having read the journal.

"Could this be the something Anthony has been so desperately trying to find?" Ducky asked.

"What?" Gibbs seemed confused.

"Today he was in autopsy, said he lost something and thought he might have dropped it there." Ducky shook his head. "He wouldn't tell me what it was he'd lost."

"Yeah." Gibbs ran his hands over his face then glanced at Ducky.

"But you know what he lost?" Ducky could see the guilt in Gibbs' eyes.

Gibbs nodded. "A journal."

"A private journal." Ducky stared at Gibbs. "Jethro, never known you to be the type to invade someone's privacy."

"I found it, opened it just to see whose it was." Gibbs sighed. "I read a passage and realized it was about me."

"Which was justification to read the rest of it?"

"I don't know." Gibbs rubbed his forehead. "I was surprised, excited...I needed to know."

"And now that you do?" Ducky asked.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

"Ah yes." Ducky chuckled. "And Anthony is hesitating."

"He's surprised." Gibbs smirked.

"And you can be very persistent when you want something." Ducky grinned.

"Your polite way of saying overbearing?"

"No." Ducky shook his head. "You are just use to getting what you want, usually very easily."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"I assume this journal made it clear he wants you." Ducky looked at Gibbs and saw the answer on his face. Ducky laughed.

"What?" Gibbs glared.

"Did you give the poor boy any option other than to sleep with you?" Ducky laughed. "Did you give him any indication that he was more than a good time?"

"Ducky!" Gibbs barked. "Tony knows me."

"He does, as much as you let him." Ducky paused. "He doesn't have a journal to tell him how you feel about him."

Gibbs swallowed the lump in his throat.

"You have an advantage; you know how you feel and how he feels." Ducky smiled.

"Yeah." Gibbs shook his head.

Ducky patted Gibbs' arm. "Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better."

Gibbs shook his head. "Who said that?"

"Shakespeare." Ducky grinned. "He needs to know how you feel Jethro. You already know he loves you."

**##########**

Stepping into the house, Gibbs tossed his keys on the table, then pulled off his dress jacket and tossed it on the chair. Dropping down onto the couch, he laid down and closed his eyes. He needed Bourbon and maybe the boat, if he could actually concentrate on something besides wanting Tony. But right now he just needed a moment to lay here and relax.

He sensed the presence in the room, knew exactly who it was, without even looking.

"Where's your car?" Gibbs asked.

"At home." Tony took another step into the living room.

Gibbs opened his eyes and looked at Tony

"Happy to see me?" Tony moved towards Gibbs prone body.

"Yes." Gibbs sighed.

"Are you sure?" Tony ask stopping once he stood beside the couch.

"Very sure." Gibbs nodded sliding his body over.

Tony sat down next to Gibbs. As soon as he was sitting, Gibbs hand drifted up Tony's arm and to the back of his neck, yanking Tony down crushing their lips together. Mouth open, tongue tasting every inch of Tony's mouth, Gibbs was relentless with his kiss. When he finally ripped their lips apart, Tony was breathless.

Gibbs released his hold on Tony's neck and stared up at him.

"Is that all you want?" Tony licked his lips.

"Figured I better not push my luck." Gibbs paused. "Especially after last night."

"Backing off, slowing down?" Tony nodded. "Interesting."

Gibbs only response was to continue to stare at Tony.

Climbing onto Gibbs' body, Tony straddled Gibbs' hips. Still Gibbs was silent, making no move to even touch Tony.

"Never known you to give up so easily." Tony sighed.

"Didn't say I was giving up."

"So just waiting patiently?" Tony smiled.

Gibbs tipped his head slightly.

Taking Gibbs' hands, Tony put them above his head and entwined their fingers.

Gibbs’ eyebrow went up. "Afraid I'm going to try and get away?"

"Maybe." Tony's gaze locked on Gibbs. "What do you want?"

"You." Gibbs practically growled.

"I already know that." Tony smirked. "I can feel how much you want me." To make his point, Tony ground his hips back and forth over Gibbs hard cock.

Gibbs groaned as he squeezed Tony's hands tighter. "I want all of you."

Tony's expression showed confusion.

"I love you Tony." Gibbs sighed. "And I want you. I have for years." Looking at Tony, Gibbs saw the admission register with shock on Tony's face.

"So taking this slow, giving it time. If that's what you need, take it." Gibbs paused. "I'm not going anywhere."

"And if I want you, right now?" Tony sighed.

"Then let me go." Gibbs growled. "And nothing will stop me, not even you."

Tony released Gibbs' hands and sat up.

Gibbs grabbed Tony's hips and pulled himself up. Then grabbed the bottom of Tony's shirt and pulled it over his head, exposing Tony's bare chest. Gibbs' lips sank to Tony's neck as his hands clawed up Tony's back.

Tony moaned and rocked in Gibbs' lap, feeling Gibbs hard cock rub against him. "Jethro." He tugged at Gibbs' shirt, causing Gibbs to stop only long enough for Tony to remove the shirt and toss it aside.

Gibbs' gaze settled on Tony's face again, so many things running through his mind. Things he wanted to say needed to say, but having Tony in his arms made it all seem inconsequential now. The only thing that seemed important was this moment and touching every inch of Tony's body. Gibbs' hands traveled over Tony's chest exploring every peak and valley, until his fingers found a nipple and gently squeezed and rubbed it.

Tony moaned the action sending a jolt of pleasure through his body.

Letting his lips replace his fingers, Gibbs licked and nibbled at Tony's nipple, then the other, until he kissed back up Tony's neck capturing the younger man’s lips. Passionate and demanding, Gibbs freely gave control of the kiss to Tony, while he allowed his hand to slip between them and squeeze Tony's cock.

The touch caused Tony to pull their lips apart as his body trembled. He grabbed Gibbs' hand jerking it away from his cock.

Gibbs' eyes narrowed as he looked at Tony.

"Take me to bed." Tony smiled.

**##########**

By the time they reached the bed both men were naked, Gibbs on his back Tony climbing up his body.

As they came face to face, Gibbs' hands caressed up Tony's ribcage, his eyes staring at Tony intensely.

"What are you thinking?" Tony smiled.

"That I'm never letting you go." Gibbs sighed and grabbed Tony's face with both hands. "No matter what."

Their lips met in an embrace of love and devotion, each trying to express the depth of their emotions. Gibbs tossed Tony on the bed as their lips slowly drifted apart. Tony smirked as Gibbs now looked down at him.

"I'm not going anywhere." Tony grinned. "This is right where I want to be."

Gibbs' lips dropped to Tony's throat kissing a path down his chest, stomach and stopping as he placed a kiss just above Tony's hard cock.

Tony moaned as Gibbs' hand grabbed the base of his cock. "Jethro." Tony sighed. "Are y-” The next word caught in Tony's throat as Gibbs' tongue licked across the head of his cock. "You are." Tony groaned as his balls contracted threatening to come.

Again Gibbs' tongue ran over the head of Tony's cock, licking at the slit, lapping at the pre-cum before licking down the underside and back up

"Oh God." Tony's body shook.

Sucking in the head of Tony's cock, Gibbs greedily feed from him, the taste of almond and natural musk causing Gibbs to groan. His mouth descended farther down Tony's shaft as the desire for Tony overwhelmed him

"Jethro I don't think-" Tony was unable to finish the sentence as Gibbs took all of him in. "Oh fuck."

Gibbs now worked over Tony's cock in a steady rhythm, waiting and wanting.

Tony's throat and lips had gone completely dry, his heart thumping against his chest, and his lungs desperately trying to take in air. This wasn't like any of the dreams and fantasy Tony had ever had about Gibbs. In every dream Gibbs would force Tony to his knees and make him suck him off. Or Gibbs would bend Tony over the desk and fuck him until he couldn't remember his name. But this was a complete surprise.

"God, suck my cock." Tony panted as he clutched at the bed sheets. He knew he wouldn't last much longer. Gibbs was too skilled and Tony had wanted Gibbs too much.

Gibbs knew Tony was close and he wanted it, wanted to taste Tony. He sucked Tony's cock in deep, feeling Tony's balls against his lips as Tony's cock slid all the way down his throat.

"Jethro." Tony screamed. He lunged up into Gibbs' mouth and came. It felt as if he was dissolving into the world around him, into the bed, into Gibbs and he let himself be carried away. Gibbs just continued to suck, then pulled back and licked every last drop of come from the head of Tony's cock.

With Tony flaccid, Gibbs finally let Tony's cock fall from his mouth and crawled back up his lover’s body.

"Wow." Tony sighed opening his eyes. "I ah, wow."

"I wanted to do that all day." Gibbs said as his lips pressed against Tony's neck.

"So glad I didn't know that." Tony chuckled. "I was distracted enough today."

"Why?" Gibbs asked between kisses.

"You, wanting you, wishing I had stayed last night." Tony moaned as Gibbs' lips continued to kiss and nip and his neck.

"You're here now." Gibbs whispered in Tony's ear. "That's what matters."

"True." Tony nodded as his hand found Gibbs hard cock and started stroking over its length.

Gibbs growled as he drew back looking down into those sparkling green eyes.

"Is sucking my cock all you thought about today?" Tony asked continuing his movements over Gibbs’ shaft.

"No." Gibbs moaned.

"Did you want to fuck me?"

"Yes." Gibbs answered fighting to keep control.

"Then why don't you." Tony sighed, releasing Gibbs cock. "Because that's what I was thinking about all day."

Gibbs’ body shivered at the loss of Tony's touch. Reaching over he grabbed the lube from the night stand.

"I want you just like this so I can see you." Gibbs sighed as he rubbed the lube over his cock then slipped a finger into Tony.

Tony whimpered as he felt the lube covered finger slide into him.

"Feel good."

"Yes." Tony moaned as the finger opened him up and another was added scissoring inside him. Before long he was pushed back against the fingers. “I want your cock."

"Fine." Gibbs removed his finger and grabbed his cock. Pressing it against Tony, he slowly pushed in feeling the warm tightness envelop him.

"That's it." Tony moaned as his hands wrapped around Gibbs and clawed up his back.

Another push forward, then Gibbs drew back, only to thrust forward again. He made love to Tony steadily wanting to slowly build the pleasure already coursing through him.

Tony made a sound somewhere between a moan and a whimper as his eyes closed. The ability to speak left him as had all conscious thought. There was nothing but Gibbs. The world could have ended and he wouldn't have cared, it wouldn't have matter, because this was all he had wanted for so long.

"Look at me." Gibbs growled as his pace continued to increase until he was thrusting frantically into Tony the pure exhilaration of making love to the younger man overwhelming him.

Tony's green eyes locked with Gibbs, the added connection making Tony moan.

"God Tony." Gibbs groaned staring at Tony. "So good."

Clutching at the sides of Gibbs' body, Tony wanted to draw Gibbs in deeper, wanted so much more.

Changing his angle slightly, Gibbs' cock pressing against Tony's prostrate with each forward motion.

"Jethro." Tony cried out as his body trembled, the orgasm ripping through him without his consent. His fingertips dug into Gibbs' ribcage as his mind tried to comprehend the overwhelming sensation.

"Close." Gibbs moaned as Tony's muscles tightened around his cock. "Oh fuck."

With one final jab forward, Gibbs buried himself inside Tony and gave in. He opened his mouth to cry out but his voice refused to obey. As the strength left him, he collapsed down onto Tony, his mind and body refusing his commands.

They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, until Gibbs finally found the strength to roll off of Tony's body and down onto the bed.

"I don't ever want to move." Tony sighed as he ran his hand over his face.

Gibbs rolled onto his side and smiled down at his lover before letting their lips touch in an all too brief kiss.

"How about a short move." Gibbs grinned. "A shower and then I promise right back here. And you won't have to move the rest of the night."

"Promise."

Gibbs nodded.

"Okay."

###########

"God that felt wonderful." Tony groaned as he crawled into bed and dropped down onto his back.

"Yeah." Gibbs said moving next to Tony in the bed and propping himself up on his elbow.

Tony smile as he caressed Gibbs' cheek. "I didn't say this earlier but I love you. More than I could ever say."

"I know."

Tony saw the concern suddenly cloud over Gibbs' expression.

"What's wrong?" Tony asked fear gripping his heart. Did Gibbs think they had made a mistake?

"I need to tell you something." Gibbs sighed as he sat up beside Tony.

"Did you change your mind? Feel you made a mistake?"

The fear in Tony's voice echoed through the silence of the room.

"God no." Gibbs shook his head. "I love you and the only mistake was not telling you sooner."

Tony smiled.

"I knew." Gibbs paused. "How you felt about me."

"Okay." Tony looked puzzled. "Did I do something to give it away?"

"No." Gibbs rubbed his forehead. "I found your journal."

"What?" Tony sat up.

Gibbs reached over and pulled the journal from the nightstand and handed it to Tony.

"I read a passage and realized it was about me." Gibbs took a deep breath. "That's the only reason I kept reading it."

"Jethro-"

Gibbs held up his hand cutting Tony off. "I should have respected your privacy."

"Jethro." Tony looked at the journal then at Gibbs. "This isn't mine."

"What?" Gibbs eyes went wide.

"This isn't mine." Tony shook his head. "I've never kept a journal, especially not one about you."

Gibbs couldn't speak.

Tony started laughing. "Everything that happened was because of this journal?" Tony opened the journal and read an entry, it happened to be one about an erotic dream. "You thought I wrote this?"

"Yeah." Gibbs nodded finally finding his voice again.

"Um, it's very good, but I didn't write this." Tony chuckled as he read a few more sentences. "Although I've had that dream before."

"What were you looking for then?"

"Looking for?" Tony's brow furrowed.

"Yeah. In the bullpen, in autopsy?" Gibbs paused. "It was something you wouldn't tell Ducky about."

Tony laughed again. "Yeah. I lost the watch Ducky gave me last Christmas. I didn't want to tell him."

"A watch?"

Tony nodded. "Just a watch."

Gibbs ran his hands down his face. "Then who the hell wrote that?" He glanced at the journal in Tony's hands.

"I don't know." Tony was flipping through the pages glancing at the different entries. "But are you sure it's about you?"

Gibbs stared at Tony for a moment.

"You know there are other blue eyed, silver haired men in our building." Tony chuckled. "A little egotistical of you to think it's about you when a name is never used."

"A Marine."

Tony shook his head. "NCIS, there are a lot of retired Marines working there too."

Gibbs sighed and dropped back on the bed.

"Oh poor baby is your ego hurt now." Tony snickered. "I mean finding out I wasn't writing some deep, personal, sexual journal about what I wanted from you."

Gibbs glared up at Tony.

"Come on its funny." Tony said opening the journal and reading out loud from it.

_I just want one taste of his lips. Want to know how soft they are, what they feel like against mine. I watched his lips move as he spoke to me, unable to concentrate on anything but having them against mine. Feeling them travel down my body._

"Alright." Gibbs barked grabbing the journal and tossing it on the nightstand.

"So this is what got you so hot and bothered over me." Tony grinned. "A journal I didn't even write?"

"No." Gibbs sighed. "I was hot and bothered over you long before the journal."

"Good to know." Tony smirked as he straddled Gibbs' hips. "But the journal made you actually take that first step over the line?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

Leaning forward Tony's lips pressed against Gibbs ear. "I did always have that fantasy about showing up in your room and waking you up with a blow job."

"Stop."

"Why?" Tony moaned as he rocked over Gibbs hard cock. "Your dick seems to like the idea."

"Tony." Gibbs snarled.

Sitting back up, Tony smirked down at Gibbs. "We need to find out who wrote that."

"Why?"

"I wanna thank them." Tony grinned. "If I'd have known all it would take for you to jump me is some smutty writing, I'd have left you dirty stories a long time ago."


End file.
